Tamia- Officially Missing You

I know that this is a love song, but it conveys how I feel and have been feeling for over a year now.  This is dedicated to my mother.  I love you mommy.  I'll for ever be your JessiCat, and forever strive to be your Simba.  I miss yo.


[Verse One]All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

Felt like crying....and I actually did.

I've been feeling like crying the last few hours.  I finally did when I was listening to 4MEN's cover of Tamia's "Officially Missing You."

I just want to be happy.  Is that so much to ask?  And if it is why?  I can't help but wish for it.  To pray for her, my mother, her future.  Can't we just smile at each other? Why does it have  to be like this?  My mother is that bad of a person.  She's not perfect, but she isn't this evil, cruel, despicable person people make her out to be.

Now I'm crying again.  The salty droplets are just rolling down my face.

Dear God,

Please keep my mother safe from harm, illness, and death.  Please give me and her the strength to keep going on and walking through this life you've given us. Please let her come home by the Fall/Winter holidays this year (2011); hopefully before August this year (2011) so we can spend some of the summer together before my younger brother and I start school in September. Let her be exonerated of all those ridiculous charges. Please LORD.  Help us, help my mother, my step-father, my younger brother, me. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Your humble subject; your loyal child,
Jessica Toston-Monroe

Job Hunting, enough said....

I've been looking for a job lately. I'm trying to save up for moving, school, bills, and then for leisure. It's so hard. Even places that have 'Now Hiring' signs tell me that they aren't hiring anymore once I ask for an application. It's so annoying and it's really pissing me off.

I've finally gotten back to writing my novel. I have 3 chapters done. Over 14,000 words. Still not even close to where I want to be though; and where that is is finished.

Got a letter from my mother yesterday. Thinking back to when I saw the envelope; she even decorated it herself; I feel like crying. It feels like someone snatched everything away from me. Someone ripped out my heart and now after they threw it in the mud they keep jumping up and down on it. As they do they're laughing at me, but all I can do is let tears fall and cry out for my mommy that they dragged away from me.

Please, I hope I have the strength to keep going. I just want to escape. Even if that means to inhale only one last time and let all the oxygen in my body slowly escape from it.